by Robyn Jones – B.Sc. (Psych), Goonellabah, Australia
From the time I started to develop breasts when I was 12, until I was in my 30s, my relationship with my breasts was like most other woman around me. I shared my experience in my last article titled ‘My Relationship with my Breasts (Breast Trilogy – Part 1).’
In my 30s I became pregnant and the first physical sign of pregnancy for me was my breasts increased in size. During pregnancy they increased slowly, and by the time my milk came in after birth they were just HUGE.
Now it was time to breastfeed.
I had heard lovely stories about the beauty of breastfeeding and so I looked forward to the amazingness of it all.
Sadly, breastfeeding for me was not fun… it hurt – it hurt a lot. Every time my daughter latched on I hit the roof. My nipples were so sensitive! I had plenty of milk so I thought ‘if I could, I should’, so I persevered, gritting my teeth every time I breastfed. I consulted experts and we were both deemed to be doing all the right things, but the sensitivity in my nipples never went away.
When my daughter was 4 months old a friend thought that Esoteric Breast Massages (EBMs) might be helpful for me, and she referred me to someone she had seen in Byron Bay, NSW.
I had two EBMs in a week and I learned a whole lot about my connection, or more accurately my dis-connection, to my breasts.
It was HUGE.
I became aware that ‘how I was’ when I was breastfeeding my daughter was also being felt by her: so every time I gritted my teeth against the pain she was feeling this, every time I winced with pain, she felt this too, every time I heard her cry for food and tensed up at the thought of feeding her, she felt this too.
In those first two EBMs I also felt so much irritation when my breasts were being massaged that it astounded me. From these two sessions I had a lot to process. When I returned to Sydney, where I lived at the time, I continued to have regular breast massages and I cleared so much out of my breasts, it was incredible!
Who knew the Breasts could store so much in them?
When my daughter was 7 months old I decided to stop breastfeeding and it was a huge relief – for her and for me. I had my breasts back. But did I really ‘have my breasts back’? Did I ever really have my breasts in the first place? Did I even know what that meant – my breasts?
Over a period of years and many EBMs I have learned that my breasts are indeed a part of my body. They aren’t just there, hanging off the front of my body as some kind of decoration or useful tools for myself and others.
They are a part of me.
They are a part of my body.
My breasts are mine and they are to be respected by me and therefore everyone else. They are not a commodity to be traded for such things as attention, sexual pleasure or the like.
I no longer buy uncomfortable bras that do strange things to my breasts and hurt. I buy bras that I feel good in, that are comfortable and that truly support my breasts. I don’t buy bras for anyone else but me.
I am learning to respect my breasts and honour them more and more. And over the last 5 years of having EBMs they have changed so much, both in how they feel and how they look. What I thought was ‘firm and perky’ was actually hardness. My breasts have cleared a lot of this hardness and now feel quite soft to touch, even a bit squishy, and they have a lovely drop to them. They even move when I walk rather than stand at attention the whole time. They have an expression, a gentle movement.
They feel lovely.
Take a moment to check in with how you feel about your breasts… Share in the comments below.
Original article published on the Women in Livingness website on July 14, 2013.
Read: Breast Trilogy Part 1
Read: Breast Trilogy Part 3 coming soon…