by Robyn Jones – B.Sc. (Psych), Goonellabah, Australia
With my experiences of the Esoteric Breast Massages well established in my life now, at age 38, I am continually deepening my connection with my breasts.
I was in the shower the other morning, washing my body. When I began to wash my breasts I felt the gorgeousness of them and I realised how much they had changed. How much I had changed with them. I was handling them with such tenderness and respect, naturally, without thinking about it first. I was just doing it naturally. In this moment I realised ‘I love them’!! Wow! I love my breasts!
I feel such a deep respect for myself as a woman in these moments, and my breasts are part of my being a woman.
I have a lot to uncover in relation to deepening my understanding of being a woman in today’s world and I appreciate the assistance my breasts give me with this unfoldment.
Unlike when I was 12 and my breasts were sore, I am now prepared to go deeper to find out what my breasts are telling me when they are feeling painful and tender to the touch.
At these times I have a choice whether to ignore what is happening in my body and write it off to ‘hormones’ or I can choose to…
- Take a moment
- Connect more deeply with my breasts and my body
In these moments of stopping and being with my body I have discovered much…
I discovered when I experienced emotional trauma it would trigger the inflammation in my breasts pretty much immediately; a trauma such as experiencing an argument with my husband. My breasts would immediately become painful. The pain was also relative to the strength of the argument. The more upset or hurt I was, the more painful my breasts would become. This pain and discomfort would generally last until after my next period, so sometimes I would experience sore breasts for anywhere up to 3 weeks at a time.
So I started to not react as much… and the painful episodes occurred less frequently for a period of time.
It was towards the end of 2012 that my breasts again became extraordinarily painful on a regular basis. The pain reminded me of the intensity I felt when I had mastitis as a 12 year old girl. I found it painful to wear a bra all day and could not lie on my stomach, as putting any sort of physical pressure on my breasts was too much.
What was occurring for me at this time was a physical condition called ‘costrochondritis’. It is an inflammation of the rib cage muscles, especially down the centre of the chest – the sternum. This condition can be extraordinarily painful and I was being treated with some powerful painkillers along with steroids and anti-inflammatories. I was admitted to hospital at one stage because I was having episodes for a period of about 20 minutes where the pain increased significantly to the point where I was having trouble being able to breathe or talk.
With this condition I felt like I was traumatised. I was physically unable to do much so I had to stop work and stop most of my duties around the house. My husband had to step in with the care of our daughter and I had to just go to bed.
I was also struggling to cope with the level of sensitivity I was experiencing within my body. It was like my ability to feel myself and everything around me was heightened. I went into a little bit of shock and my only option at this time was to rest.
Interestingly, when I began to research this condition I found out that it occurs because the body and/or the immune system experiences a trauma which triggers off the inflammation in the chest and ribcage. I had experienced bronchitis right before the condition was triggered and I had injured my chest and ribcage with the strength of the coughing; my immune system had been struggling to cope with the infection as it runs at a lower capacity due to an immune deficiency I was born with.
The key here was that I was experiencing TRAUMA.
So once again, my breasts were indicating to me that I was feeling traumatised. Yet this time there was no argument with my husband or any other outside traumatic event.
The trauma I was experiencing was in my body.
After going deeper within, I realised that the trauma I was experiencing in my body was from me, and me alone.
This realisation was HUGE as it brought the responsibility back to me.
So I started to feel my sore and painful breasts on a deeper level and over a period of nearly a year, I have discovered an immense amount.
I have discovered that I feel traumatised when I am not loving and caring for myself. I have discovered that when I overdo things physically I am abusing my body and this is traumatic. I have discovered that I am a very tender and delicate being and when I don’t treat myself with the utmost preciousness, I feel traumatised.
Just for a minute imagine that you are like a newborn baby – delicate, precious, fragile, vulnerable, open. Now imagine treating that baby with roughness, hardness. Imagine pushing it around, yelling at it uncontrollably. Imagine calling it awful names.
This is how I discovered I have been treating myself.
And just because I am bigger now and an adult doesn’t mean that all the preciousness I had as a child has just disappeared. It is still there – ALL OF IT IS.
The realisation that I was feeling traumatised because of the harshness with which I was treating myself was, yes that’s right….. HUGE!
This was the next step for me in uncovering what my breasts have been showing me.
I have been slowly re-learning how to treat myself and it has been lovely. It has allowed me to settle more deeply and not be so uptight. I feel freer, more tender and stronger within me.
I feel more like a woman.
In these moments I feel a beautiful stillness come from within… and I know that ALL is within me.
Reflecting on how much my breasts have supported me in making significant changes in my life is extraordinary. I am so touched that I have been able to go deeper with my understanding of them, and that I have allowed the Esoteric Breast Massages and the Esoteric Women’s Health Presentations to support me along the way.
One of the things I have found beautiful about writing this trilogy on my developing relationship with my breasts is the realisation that when I was young I didn’t see any woman who truly loved and respected their breasts, or themselves, in the way I have come to know is possible.
But now that I know this love and respect of myself expressed toward my body and my breasts is possible, and am doing my best to live this, I am an example to my daughters and all other women I come in contact with: a responsibility I hold very preciously.
Have your breasts been talking to you lately? Share in the comments below.
Original article published on the Women in Livingness website on July 16, 2013.
Read: Breast Trilogy Part 1
Read: Breast Trilogy Part 2