by Robyn Jones – B.Sc. (Psych), Northern Rivers, NSW, Australia
Do you know the feeling of being able to quickly and easily catalogue your faults and imperfections?
On the flip side of this, are you equally able to catalogue your amazing and inspiring qualities?
Let’s stop for a moment, as it’s time to be really honest here… because in truth most of us are much more comfortable and practiced at being aware of our imperfections, rather than our amazing qualities. Right?
The problem is though, that when we focus on our imperfections we are left in a very unloving cycle with ourselves. We are left with the opening for that voice that seems poised at the ready to tell us there is something ‘wrong’ with us or that we are not ‘good enough’. All because we have this, in some cases, very long laundry list of faults.
This is not to say that we haven’t all done things we are not proud of, that didn’t feel great, such as yelling hysterically at someone we love, all because we have spent the last week catching up on the washing, which has then been very unceremoniously shoved into the kids drawers by the kids (or another equally unappreciative person)!
This one incident can send us into a downward spiral of negative self talk, self bashing, and a very pronounced lack of self worth.
Sometimes, it will take a few of these incidences for the downward spiral to begin, for us to feel pretty crappy about ourselves. However, here’s the kicker. None of these incidences make you (or me) a terrible person. Yes, it’s true, and yet this is what we feel. Why?
Q. Why is it such an automatic process for us to immediately turn on ourselves, and think badly about ourselves?
A. Because we ultimately lack a sense of worth. We lack a sense of who we truly are, our innate qualities, our worth as a woman, and instead we live from a constant point of lack of self worth, from a focus on our imperfections.
Esoteric Women’s Health Founder and Director, Natalie Benhayon, has described the astonishing prevalence of lack of self-worth amongst women as “the modern day plague”.
Q. So how do we turn it around?
A. Firstly, we need to become aware of all the amazing qualities we have as women. Qualities we all have equally, because this is where our worth lies.
And as women, we have some pretty amazing qualities. Qualities such as:
- A natural warmth that feels safe and non threatening.
- We naturally nurture and look out for people.
- We are sensitive and can pick up on where other people are at and what they may need in any given moment.
- We move with a delicateness that is unimposing.
- We offer the grace of space to learn lessons, even if they are sometimes learnt the hard way.
- We hold a deep beauty within us, a timelessness, that when nurtured exudes from within and naturally changes our outward appearance to match this.
- We feel everything, from the most loving expression to the most unloving expression – we don’t miss a thing.
- A preciousness, in the knowing that what we hold within as women supports everyone around us – deeply.
- The stillness that allows us to stay steady within while everything around us may be in a spin.
- And so many more…
Secondly, once we are aware of these amazing and inspiring qualities, we need to accept them back into our daily lives. Allow them to become part of our movements and daily practice.
So as we go about our day we feel these qualities in all that we do; the delicateness in our touch as we wash the dishes, the grace in how we push our chair back from the desk, the preciousness we hold ourselves in when we say no to eating a piece of cake or something else we know will not serve us, the stillness we feel within as we send the kids to time out, the nurturing of calling it a day and not pushing on when our body is clearly signaling that it is tired and ready for bed.
So the next time you launch into feeling bad about something you may have done that wasn’t so great, before you run with this, stop… take a moment to remind yourself of your amazing qualities, and love yourself instead, because you are worth it. We all are – always and forever.
For the loveliness of who we naturally are is always there, waiting to be expressed, it just takes a moment to change our focus. To stop the out of control train of lack of self worth, and return to who we truly are as women.
And you may even find that you feel more centred, less inclined to have outbursts, and are naturally more loving with others. Because it makes sense that as we return to focusing on and living our innate qualities we don’t ever want to leave these for anything.
Appreciation is key here, for when we truly and deeply appreciate all that we are and all the qualities we innately have within, the lack of self worth voice doesn’t even get a look in.
Can you list all of the great things about you? Share with us in the comments.
Original article was published on the Mouths of Mums website on April 12, 2017.