by Robyn Jones – B.Sc. (Psych), Goonellabah, Australia
I have been pregnant twice in my life and both times the first very early sign of these pregnancies came from my breasts.
My First Pregnancy (2007)
In my first pregnancy I knew I was pregnant a few days after conception:
- My breasts had grown larger, were more full and were very tender.
- They became so tender and the nipples so sensitive that wearing a bra was painful and not wearing a bra was painful.
- Having the shower water run over my nipples was almost unbearable.
- Lying on my stomach was not an option as any sort of pressure on my breasts was just not tolerable.
- Wearing tops over my bare breasts was difficult. The tops had to be very fitted so there was no movement across my nipples, as any friction from the material was excruciating.
- I also noticed that the veins in my breasts had become more prominent, my nipples had become larger and had darkened in colour.
My Second Pregnancy (2013-2104)
With my second pregnancy my breasts told me I was pregnant the day after conception:
- They became very tender and full.
- They were again painful to lie on but not overwhelming so.
- This time my nipples weren’t as sensitive so the shower water running over them was not an issue.
- Wearing a bra was mildly uncomfortable and not wearing a bra was the same.
- The tenderness and discomfort only lasted a week whereas during my first pregnancy the intensity of these symptoms lasted much longer.
The messages my breasts have relayed about being pregnant have been similar during the early stages of both pregnancies, but the intensity of the signs has been very different.
It has been 6 years since I was last pregnant and I have changed a lot.
During this time I have opened up more to ‘being’ a woman rather than ‘acting’ like one.
When I am ‘acting’ like a woman I feel I am just going through the motions of how I ‘think’ a woman would behave – such as rubbing cream into my body to moisturise.
I sit down to rub the cream into my legs and just ‘get the job done’. Even though this could be said to be a very loving act to spend this time on myself and to care for my body in this way, I do not do it from a tender and loving energy or intention – there is an emptiness in what I am doing, as I am executing the action from my head and ‘thinking’ about it and it becomes an automated and disconnected action.
When I am ‘being’ a woman I am coming from a connection deep within me and not from my head ‘thinking’. The action comes from within, from the tenderness and delicateness I am.
So when I sit down to place cream on my body I feel the tenderness flow through my hands – it flows from the connection I can feel with myself. I feel connected to my body and the action of my hands running over my body is fluid, tender and nurturing. There is a fullness to what I am doing, as what I am doing is ‘full of me’. It is not a ‘thought’, it is an ‘experience’ that involves all my senses as all that I am doing in that moment is full of a deep connection to me as the truly gorgeous woman I am.
A simpler way to describe this is – I am fully present in that moment with what I am doing.
This can also flow through to all other areas of my life as a woman – from the washing… to working… to caring for my family… and beyond. As long as I am living from within me and expressing from within, my day flows and I don’t have to ‘think’ about how everything is going to get done as I am ‘being’ present while completing every task.
Sometimes I write myself a list if there is a lot to be done and I then go through the day feeling what is required to be done and in what order, rather than calculating it all out so ‘it makes sense’ on paper. Sometimes there is no list and I am just greeted with the next thing I am due to complete in that moment.
It is amazing how much gets done when I am ‘being’ rather than ‘acting’.
It is also amazing that at the end of the day whatever has been done feels like it is enough and the day feels complete whether all tasks have been done or not because of the quality that all was done in.
I find that when I am ‘acting’ I work really hard at getting things done and I feel this ‘push’ to achieve and tick off all the items on my list (it feels like I am in some kind of race against time but I am not sure what the prize is at the end – exhaustion maybe?!). Interestingly, at the end of a day like this, even with everything on my list ticked off I still feel incomplete within myself. Could it be that in order to get everything done I had left myself behind, so the quality in which all was done was very much lacking any type of true substance as I was not present for it?
Over the last 6 years I have become aware of so much in terms of ‘being’ a real woman.
I am embracing what I am feeling a true woman to be – still within, delicate, tender, honouring, playful, graceful, loving, nurturing, mature, sensitive, natural, fragile… wise.
The Universal Medicine modalities of Esoteric Breast Massage, Specialised Women’s Massage, Esoteric Ovary Massage and the Esoteric Women’s Health Presentations have supported me in my re-connection to the woman within me. With practice I am allowing myself to begin to truly live as a woman – by bringing the qualities I have connected to within into my everyday life.
My breasts are a living testament of this fact: from the difference in the very early signs from my breasts telling me I was pregnant the first time to telling me the second time is a confirmation of how much I have allowed myself to open up and live as a real and true Woman.
What has been your experience of ‘acting’ like a woman or ‘being’ a woman? Share in the comments below.
Original article published on the Women in Livingness website on October 22, 2013.